i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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