ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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