now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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