I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize