What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
