im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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