i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize