I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize