i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
