I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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