Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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