so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
