No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
