i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
