I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
40s are totally the cure
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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