Cold hands, warm shart.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
