Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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