i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
