literally had 100 drinks last night.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed