Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
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i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
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She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college