new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Bring me that man meat
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.