so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
ra ra ra ah ah
sexting lady gaga style
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.