1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy