the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.