It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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