just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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