Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
