He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
