Rock
Scissors
Fuck
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
