don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
