even my farts smell like vagina
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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