im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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