I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
