oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
