Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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