Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
sex in a hospital.. check
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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