When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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