his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
