Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
