Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I have feelings that need drinking.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
