After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
