I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
