I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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