dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
