What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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