So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
