Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
