is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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