So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
