sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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