Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
