Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
