In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I can't put those talents on a resume
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
