Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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