You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
