i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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