The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
