none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
