You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
