That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
