Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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