just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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