hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
