I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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