Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
