I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize