if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
