We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
