you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
