now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
