Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
